Helio the world

By Bandwagon Burt
Wind sock

I VOTED 156 TIMES FOR HELIO CASTRONEVES!

If I’m not watching sports, there is a good chance that I’m watching Dancing With the Stars, and I was GLUED to my television set (literally, thanks to a Krazy Glue accident, haha!) for the big finale.

Helio! YOU KNOW HELIO? It’s like that commercial where that foreign Spanish guy is saying “You know Sergio?” And then they go party together. Helio is a dancing party. He’s SPIDER MAN, the Formula 1 engine that could (AND DID) win the Indy 500 like five times. HE’S A BORN WINNER and that’s why he won. Also, he’s Spider Man.

Remember when he climbed up that fence at the Indy 500 after winning? He’s so damn charming. He’s like the Roberto Benigni of reality television. And also, his dancing partner was SMOKING HOT. Better than Mel B. BOY POWER. Girls never win Dancing With the Stars, and that’s why Mel B lost. She was a Spice Girl. IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER, you got to vote for Helio Castroneves.

Sports stars RULE on that show. Anton Apolo Ohno or whatever his name is won last year (I totally voted for him) and Emmett Smith won that won time (totally voted for him) and Jerry Rice did really well. And KENNY MANYE is on sometimes giving SportsCenter updates. He’s so funny! Pro athletes are born to dance! SCREW MARIE OSMOND. That lying, fake fainter. HELIO!