Freddy Fantasy Flotsam

Freddy Baird
Fantasy Expert

Hey guys, I'll be brief with the introductions this week. I've been cuh-raaaazy busy lately, dealing with a new girlfriend who's smoking hot. She's also flipping crazy. She's crazier than Lindsay Lohan on a crack binge, I tell you. She doesn't even let me use the Internet during weekdays, so I have to crank this column out fast before she finds out I was online. On to your questions!

Man, hasn't this football season been crazy? So many unpredictable injuries and bad fortune for a lot of players. Can you remember a season as wild as this one?
- Evan Switzer, Toledo, Ohio

I've heard a lot of people saying that this season has been unpredictable. To some, maybe. But not to me. Only simpletons get surprised. Remember that. Put it on a bumper sticker.

I made a lot of predictions this preseason, and they've pretty much all come true. Steven Jackson's poor season? I had him ranked 38th among all running backs because I knew he'd miss several weeks. Rudi Johnson? I didn't draft him in even one league. Meanwhile, Brian Westbrook was my No. 1 target in all my PPR leagues (yes, ahead of Tomlinson), and I kept telling people that Adrian Peterson would be the best running back in standard scoring leagues, despite his rookie status. You can also check the archives if you want to know what I thought about Derek Anderson. I had him listed right behind Tony Romo in my QB rankings. That's some prescient shit.

Who's a better bet going forward, Terrell Owens or Braylon Edwards?
- Lance Rogers, Ontario, Canada

Are you fucking serious, asking me that question? How about you go shove a flagpole up your ass and then fuck yourself in the ear with Liberace's gay, dead dick?

Fine. Edwards.

If you had the No. 1 choice in a hoops draft, who would you be taking at this point in the season? I like Garnett a lot, but Shawn Marion is underrated. Thoughts?
- Tanner Lee, Austin, Texas

Good question. At this point, I'd be narrowing my list for the No. 1 overall pick to Garnett, Marion, LeBron, Kobe, Dirk, maybe Steven Nash and also Gilbert Arenas. Yao Ming has also looked great so far, and I've been impressed with Chris Paul's all-around game. Watch out for Pau Gasol, too. Any of those guys are worth considering. Check back at the end of the season and see if I was right. I bet I will be.

Which player has the best fantasy playoffs schedule? So often, it's those little-known guys who make the difference in the final weeks of the season.
- Ted Moore, Boston, Massachusetts

Well, it's not too hard. You want to look for running backs who play against bad run defenses, and quarterbacks who go against bad pass defenses. There are several of those players available. Try to find or acquire them and you'll be set. I do it all the time.

That's all we have time for today, sex kittens. Until next time, make sure Reggie Wayne isn't available on any waiver wires! He's a good one!