Tyler's so hawt

By Brenda McDonald
High School Socialite

So, like, everyone is handing out these All-American things even though nobody has played a game of basketball yet, and that’s really ridiculous. I mean, I get that it’s really easy to say who is All-American material and wears AE and Abercrombie and stuff, but it kind of seems like people are basing everything off what happened last year. A lot can happen in a year. Mark Wallace was totally hot last year and everyone wanted him, but then he dyed his hair black and started getting into, like, Rage Against the Machine and stuff. So he is so off my radar.

Like anyone who knows about the world, I want to chime in with my own All-American list.

Tyler Hansbrough, North Carolina. He’s, like, quirky-hot like Shia LaBoeuf (who totally just got arrested in a Walgreens? Lame. Like I said, things change quickly) and I totally think that blue outfit brings out his eyes. He was so completely grossing me out with that mask thing he wore last year, but if he’s au natural this year, he’s probably my favorite.

Drew Neitzel, Michigan State. I always make fun of Jenny Mientkielowski, because she totally has this thing for bald guys! Can you believe that? Seriously, bald people are disgusting, barf. But I have to admit, if a guy like shaves his head and hits three-pointers, it’s kind of hot. It’s a bad boy sort of thing, and I like that.

Darren Collison, UCLA. Um, is he related to that ugly Nick Collison from Kansas, because that guy was so not attractive, and he had that little elf Kirk Hinrich on the same team. Ugly. This Collison is much less pasty, and hello! California guys are the hottest! I can totally see myself running around the beaches with Darren.

Eric Gordon, Indiana. I still sort of feel bad about it, but last year Angie Winstrom broke up with Jason Violette cuz she totally saw him making out with another cheerleader. Yeah, it was me. Whoops. I mean, I don’t know what came over me, we just started this hot makeout session in the middle of lunch period. Anyway, I normally am so not into guys who are with one girl and end up with another, like Eric Gordon was with Illinois and now Indiana. But when I’m the other girl, then it’s cool. :-)

Roy Hibbert, Georgetown. Ew, too tall and dark and weird. I’m not sure if he’s right for this sort of thing, but there is something really mysterious about guys who wear black like Georgetown. I like mystery.