This is the story of a guy named BRADY!

By Bandwagon Burt
Wind Sock

Sometimes I lay awake at night and dream of TOM BRADY.

Seriously, I don’t know how many people have noticed, but he’s put up some INSANE numbers (26 touchdown passes in seven games) and the Patriots are going to go 16-0 because of the Michigan Magnificent Magician Marvelous, who is throwing an average of SIX TOUCHDOWNS A GAME. He’s unbelievable. Best quarterback of our generation, and he’s super, super clutch.

Can you believe he wasn’t even going to be the starter in college? That was going to be DREW HENSON (may he rest in peace), and nobody knew how fantastic Brady was going to be. But a bunch of Super Bowl wins later, a ton of regular season wins for fun, re-creating the dynastic mystique of the New England Patriots, a few supermodels bagged, and Brady is the greatest quarterback of our generation.

I HAVE HIM ON MY FANTASY TEAM AND I HAVEN’T LOST A GAME.

Randy Moss hated other people, and never played hard, but he gets on the Patriots and Tom Brady puts his Glenda the Good Witch powers on him and suddenly he’s like the best receiver of our generation. And WES WELKER, who used to be just an average white guy, is now catching like two touchdowns a game! Bad backup running backs have shouldered the load, the defense has dominated, and even the kicker has been good, all because of TOM EDWARD BRADY, JR. I’m a dude, but I’m comfortable saying that he’s handsome. WHO DOESN’T WANT TO BE (with) TOM BRADY?

I’m Tom Brady and I support this message! Just kidding. I wish I was Tom Brady, though.

The Patriots are my sleeper pick to win another Super Bowl this year, and they’re probably going to win every game by no fewer than 19 points. THAT’S AMAZING. They’re not going to sip champagne in Miami this year, so calm down, Brian Griese’s Dad. This team is legit, and a child shall lead them! A child named TOM BRADY. I have been looking at some box scores and he's even throwing touchdowns to HIMSELF. He's playing tight end AND quarterback at the same time. Nobody else in the league can do that, except maybe, maybe Brett Favre.

WHAT A YEAR IN BOSTON. First, the Red Sox totally get into the World Series in seven games, EXACTLY AS I PREDICTED, and now they’re leading the league in awesome in the NFL. What a year!

Do you know who is not awesome? Tony Romo.