Toothpicks and mustangs, dude

By Dakota Brezinski
Seven-year-old

Daddy never lets me drive the car anymore.

One time, because I was really good and promised not to tell mommy about his special time with the Lady Magazines, daddy let me drive the car back out of the driveway. I really like Little Dale Jr. and wanted to be just like him, so I wanted to try driving a real car. Vrooooom!

It's like playing the Cruising USA game at the bowling alley when Daddy gives me quarters and tells me to amuse myself while he does bowling. Except it's real. I rolled really fast down the driveway and I couldn't really see over my seat while I was looking backwards, so I kind of ran over Mr. and Mrs. Williams' mailbox. And also, their lawn. And their kitty.

So daddy doesn't want me to drive the car anymore, even though I said I would do better next time. It's not fair! The Cincinnati Reds said it was okay if Dusty Baker drove their car for the next three years, but he already made lots of mistakes. Why is he so special? Why does he get to try again?

In Chicago, Dusty had two beautiful Mustangs named Mark Prior and Kerry Wood. He broke them. He used them too much without any oil changes in between, and smoke started coming out of their ears. They don't work anymore, and Chicago is very mad at Dusty. Like Daddy, except without the bald head. Daddy says Mark Prior is missing his pee-pee.

Dusty seems silly. He was a good manager sometimes, but then he lost lots of games, mostly because he broke his two best players and didn't use his equipment properly. And also, because he let his little boy go near the home plate when a runner was coming home. It would be so neats if I got a chance to run around the home plate! Mrs. Williams said I wasn't allowed in her home ever again. She smells like dead things.

So if Dusty gets a chance to play with some new cars -- they are called Aaron Harang and Homer Bailey -- then why can't I try driving the car again? I promise to be better!