Live NBA Draft. I'm six.

By Dakota Brezinski
Six-year-old

Today is a big day for people who like shiny basketballs, and I love shiny basketballs. I see a bunch of them on my TV. They are all for the teams that have won the lottery and get to pick people with silly names at the NBA Draft. I don't know why they don't spend their money on something better, like a new Superman dolly from Toys R Us, but that is what they do. I will be blogging until bedtime. I must go to the potty first.

6:00 p.m. I am adorable. I just saw something not adorable...they showed the moustache of that scary man and tried to sell video games with it. Scary Man is supposed to be a top three pick. I don't like him. Once, a man that looked like him tried to offer me candy and a Pepsi bottle and I remembered what my teachers taught me about strangers. But I like candy and Pepsi. They found me, though, three days later, and had to kill Scary Man. But he's alive and playing basketball.

6:07 p.m. I am happy Dan Patrick is talking to me instead of Chris Berman, because Chris Berman reminds me of uncle Harry and I have a feeling he smells funny, too. However, everyone keeps talking in Europe. I wish they wouldn't. I am still learning English. How can I understand Europe too? Nikolai Tskishishikvilli.

6:10 p.m. Raptors!

6:12 p.m. Scary Man is back on my TV, but they say he takes insulin shots. Daddy likes to take shots too, and that makes him smell funny and act goofy. Jay Bilas says he doesn't like to sip the kool-aid on Aundrea Burble-Yanny, probably because that doesn't sound as yummy as neon strawberry. Now, an illiterate black man is talking and screaming a lot. So angry.

6:15 p.m. Sebastian Telfair is little, like a leprochaun, and now he's going to play with other ones in Boston because that is their logo. Daddy says Telfair wasn't a good fit in Portland because he hadn't killed anybody. Theo Ratliff is on The Cosby Show on WGN a lot. Those black people don't yell as much as this one -- Steven A. Smith. I wonder what the A stands for. Acrobat. America. Albany.

6:22 p.m. I'm bored. When do I get to see the Raptors? Burble-Yanny Kool-Aid! Scary Man! Gay Man! The one from Duke, AND the one from Connecticut! Daddy says LeMarcus is French for "The Marcus." Playa Hata Scott said that the suit Scary Man is wearing will be cut to shreds and given away in packs of playing cards. That's silly. But it does remind me of the one time Mommy and Daddy were fighting and Mommy shipped all of Daddy's favorite magazines to Daddy's boss. I would rather have the gum that comes with the trading cards. Scary Man gives away good gum.

6:30: Scary Man says more people should cry. I cry lots.

6:32: David Stern said that the Madison Square Garden is home of the Knicks, WNBA Liberty and WNBA All-Star Game. Daddy says he's happy that they chose a neutral site for the draft, where they don't play basketball. Raptors! Dan Patrick says Burble-Yanny.

6:37: David Stern looks like that guy who is worried about my red eyes, try clear eyes. Burble-Yanny is the first pick in the draft! He's going to play with Raptors! Rahr!!

6:41: Burble-Yanny probably needs to go to speech therapy, cuz he kind of sounds like Joey Rogers in my class, who always has to leave for speech when we have English lessons. Joey likes to eat nunch and play backetbaw. Now it is time for the Bulls to pick. It was supposed to be the Knicks' pick, but then they went to New York, saw Isiah Thomas crossing the street, and stole his ping pong ball. Thugs. Now Andy Katzenmoyer says the Bulls are trading their pick to the Blazers, but first they are taking French For The Marcus with the second pick. If he gets traded to Portland, he better kill somebody quickly, or he might not play.

6:49: Brian Colangelo just said "minutia," but I think he meant "Menudo."

6:50: Charlotte took Scary Man. Eew, someone just kissed him even though he has a dirty moustache. I hope Emeka Okafor knows not to accept the candy.

6:53: My bedtime is coming! Mommy said I can stay up until the top five are gone, but I will not get to see when my favorite player, Kevin Pittsnogle, gets taken. But I am lucky because Dick Vitale is on my TV, talking nonsense, and usually he isn't on quite this early. Grandma Marsh makes more sense. Grandma Marsh is in the hospital. She thinks I'm the mailman when I come.

6:55: The Blazers take Tyrus Thomas, and everyone seems to think he's going to go to Chicago. Daddy says only take the el-train if you want to get your wallet stolen. I am not worried though, because I learned Kung-Fu from the Ninja Turtles.

6:57: The illiterate black man is screaming again! He's silly. He said the Trail Blazers have no idea what they're doing. Maybe it's because they're running from the police. Daddy says when he runs from the police, it's hard to make good decisions.

7:01: I know it's past my bedtime, but Andy Katzenmoyer thinks that Shelden Williams is going to Atlanta. I thought the Gay Man (UCONN) would get taken here, and not a teammate of the other Gay Man. But what do I know? I'm six. And naked, because it's time for jammies. I love you.