The ideal birthday

By Lynn DeBerg
Housewife

Honey, I want my 35th birthday to be the most special one yet.

Remember when you turned 35 last year, and I bought you two tickets to see The Police in concert? I was pretty proud of my gift-giving, and you told me how great of a night that was for you. It felt really good to make you so happy, but now I sort of want you to return the favor.

I want you to take me out to someplace really nice. I know you like Applebee's and Friday's, but I want this to be nicer. Maybe with some candles and champaign, if they have some. There's a new French restaurant that just opened across town -- the Trocadero. Let's go there. Maybe you can learn a nice French phrase or two. I love the way that accent sounds.

Afterwards, if you're up to it, do you think I could have a foot massage? I just loved the one you gave me after I was on my feet all day for that PTA convention. God, my feet hurt so bad, and your magic hands made them feel so good again. I feel embarrassed to ask, actually, but I've wanted another massage like that ever since.

Let's rent a movie, too. There really isn't anything I want to see in theaters, but I kind of want to see the Nanny Diaries again. I know, I know, I dragged you to that when it opened at the Cineplex, and I know you hate watching movies twice. But it's my birthday, you know? We could stop at Blockbuster on our way home from dinner.

After that, we can sit in the hot tub for a little bit. Maybe if you treat me right, and get me a nice gift, we can make love. Maybe. I get headaches sometimes, you know. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that it will have been a long day at that point, and I just ... I just might take a rain check, if that's all right.

The kids can spend the night at my mother's, and we'll have a nice quiet evening to ourselves. No television, no distractions, just a nice birthday. I love you, sweetie.

Don't forget, my birthday is Sunday! Sunday, Feb. 3. Let's leave for dinner around 5 p.m.