Black Tuesdays

By Brenda McDonald
High School Socialite

I really hate Tuesdays. Cheerleading practice is always so stupid on Tuesdays, because we have like, team bonding exercises. Last week, we had to do trustfalls, and then our coach got all mad because none of us caught Cindy Rappaport. Honestly, after she forgot to wear the matching outfit to last week’s game, I don’t know how anyone can expect us to catch her.

But yesterday was by far the worst Tuesday. Erica and Mandy were both sick, and I totally had NOBODY to sit with at lunch. And there was lots of other terrible stuff. It was Black Tuesday for several obvious reasons.

First of all, Heath Ledger is dead! I remember the time I heard Anna Nicole Smith died and I totally cried! Who is going to take care of that baby? And Heath Ledger was a way more powerful moment for me than that. He was soooooo hot. Oh my God, did you SEE him in Ten Things I Hate About You? Someone once told me that was, like, a Shakespeare story or something, so he was obviously like, scholarly. And British! Seriously, I didn’t know British people could overdose.

This was not nearly as bad as seeing Tom Brady in a walking boot. Like, everyone is making fun of the fact that TMZ got those pictures, but hello! It’s kind of a big deal! If Tom Brady did not play in the Super Bowl, there is like, no way I would watch. Ugh, gross. Brady is super, super hot, possibly the hottest player ever to play a professional sport, and Matt Cassel looks like a space alien by comparison.

Then, Kentucky beat Tennessee in basketball. Alright, Bruce Pearl is totally sweaty and gross all the time and hello! Orange hasn’t been in since like, the Renaissance. But I have to admit, there’s something about him that kind of excites me. He’s arrogant – kind of like Charlie Padgett on the football team – but it’s one of those “I’m arrogant and can back it up” things. And also, he just got divorced, which means he’s probably playing the field. That’s kind of tantalizing. I’m so going to Tennessee next fall, if I get accepted.

Also, someone said the stock market went way down. Seriously, that has like no bearing on my life. Who the hell is Dow Jones?