Five Things I'm Feeling

By Curtis Woodsworth
Fabulous

I’m a little nervous with my return to the re-vamped Flotsam. Marv called me on my cell phone while I was out shopping, and told me, "The purple-spotted crow flies into the pane-glass window at midnight tomorrow." I didn’t know what that meant, but it reminded that this site used to exist, so I checked it out and saw things were back up and running. Oh, the good times we had together! I’ve decided to hop back on board with my predictions and recommendations of athletes to keep an eye on.

With that, I present the return of "Five Things That I’m Feeling." I hope you enjoy! Stay saucy, ponies!

1. I know it’s just been played to pieces, but I have to throw in my two cents on Tom Brady. What a magical, magical season this muffin is having. If you look up "stud" in the dictionary, you will likely see a picture of a button-like, ornamental object. But this is pointless -- it should be Thomas' countenance! I spent this past Sunday curled on the couch with Truffles, my favorite Birman cat, and watched Thomas dismantle the poor, defenseless Dolphins. I was transfixed by his stunning accuracy and broad shoulders, pausing my transfixation only briefly to shed a tear for the loss of Ronnie Brown’s bubble butt from my fantasy dream team. If I could be any man, I would choose to be Elton John. But Tom Brady would be next in line.

2. Breakout special this year in the NBA is one of my favorite players, second-year swingman Rudy Gay. He’s super lithe and rangy, and with some polishing, he could really explode. Because kiddies, he’s long, he’s strong, and he’s down to get the friction on! There's just something about Gay that really gets me going. Get down in Memphis, Rudy!

3. Many people were stunned by the collapse of the Cleveland Indians this week, but it wasn’t much of a surprise to this observer. The Red Sox have long been the most patient team in baseball at the plate, and they eventually wore down the Indians. While C.C. Sabathia and Fausto Carmona were excellent this season, they rely on getting hitters to take bad swings on tough pitches. However, the Red Sox are so patient, they were able to wait and get themselves into hitter’s counts. I think the Rockies’ staff, which has several pretty wild pitchers, is going to have a very hard time handling the disciplined Red Sox offense in the World Series.

4. With everyone talking about the Patriots’ dominance this season, you fussy little tarts have forgotten about the also-undefeated Indianapolis Colts. They’ve outscored opponents 192-94 and will be very tough to handle. While their quarterback is nothing to look at, it’s the defense that really gets me going. I’ve always like power-packed athletes, and Bob Sanders fits the bill. He’s 5 feet, 8 inches and 206 pounds of pure powerful pounding pizzazz! Thanks for representing America's heartland, Bobby! You've certainly captured the land of my heart!

5. Non-sports thought of the week: Kelly Kapoor from NBC’s "The Office" is the hands-down, best character on television. She just seems so real, you know? I can identify with her, and that’s what makes me tune in each week to see the hijinks of Michael Scott and the gang. And it’s so nice to see Pam with Jim instead of Roy. Three cheers for JAM! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Have a good week, friends. Chat with ya soon!