Made with 100 percent real juice *

By Dakota Brezinski
Six-year-old

I am on the juice.

Someday, I want to play Major League Baseball like Barry Bonds, but I am sad, because you’re not supposed to be on the juice when you play. That’s not fair. Daddy says the baseball players have to eat their vegetables and drink lots of milk so they are big and strong, but I think that’s dumb. I hate vegetables and milk. Why can’t they have their juice, too?

My favorite juice is CapriSun. It’s squishy like a pillow and when you jump on it in the middle of lunch, it will explode all over Jessica Murdock, who will never get to wear her stupid white dress again (She says it makes her look like Cinderella. I say she looks more like that fat mouse Gus who sings the Cinderelly song). My favorite is the orange kind, but pretty much all kinds of CapriSun is tasty delicious and squishy.

Sometimes mommy makes me drink apple juice, and that’s okay, but it is not my favorite. She also gives me Hi-C boxes sometimes, and my favorite is Jammin’ Strawberry. I like orange juice and pineapple-apple-orange-banana juice, which is always on sale at Pick and Save.

Daddy says I’m drinking the pink Kool-Aid if I don’t think it’s my bedtime yet. I don’t know why he thinks I’m drinking the pink Kool-Aid, but it sounds tasty. I want some.

Barry Bonds cries a lot, because all he wants is his Jammin’ Strawberry. If this makes him better at the baseball, then I don’t know why everyone is mad at him. So what if baseball players don’t want to eat vegetables and drink milk all the time? It’s yucky. Just because they are famous and spectacular and crazy like Bonds doesn’t mean people should care what they drink.

I also heard that the ball is juiced in baseball. Juice balls!! They sound like jellybeans, only bigger and better. I want some.