Two quarterbacks with beards. I approve.

By Marv Blackstone
Editor-in-chief

Thoughts from a guy watching the Pittsburgh vs. Denver game with a bottle of Wild Turkey, his dog and no pants.

2:31: I can't seem to find my dog anywhere. I know he was here last night, because I remember yelling at him when Stuart Scott did a poetry slam on Sportscenter, but now he seems to have run off. Come back, William Randolph.

2:33: Just tore into some venison that was sitting in the ice chest. A bit cold, but it's a good pregame meal.

2:35: Why is Jerome Bettis still called The Bus? There's nothing endearing about a 560-pound NFL running back. I propose that we call him The Meatball. Speaking of meatballs, I need to head to the bathroom.

2:36: Taking a shit.

2:57: OK. Almost gametime. I have to say, Jake Plummer's hair and beard look fantastic. What a man. I heard that someone told him after last week's win, "Hey, you look a lot like Marv Blackstone." Jake replied, "That crazy old bastard?" I knew he'd remember me.

2:58: Bad news. The dog is dead. Turns out that instead of "yelling at him" after Stu's poetry slam last night, I shot him four times with my shotgun. God damn it. What a mess. On the bright side, I found my pants.

3:00: Rolling a blunt.

3:02: I missed the very beginning of the pregame because I was distracted by "The Coneheads" on FX. That's some messed-up shit, man.

3:04: It appears Phil Simms will be broadcasting today while his son gets his ass kicked by some Florida high school kids.

3:06: I've decided to enhance by day with a drinking game. Here are the rules:

Jake Plummer incompletion - 1 drink
Jake Plummer interception - 2 drinks
Meatball touchdown - 3 drinks
Roethlisberger gets sacked - 3 drinks
Plummer rushes for a touchdown and makes out with a cheerleader - 8 drinks
Ron Dayne touches the football - 3 drinks
Jason Elam field goal from 75+ yards - 10 drinks

3:10: Bonnie Berstein weighs in from the sidelines to tell us that the Meatball really wants to play in the Super Bowl. No shit, Bonnie. Oh, but the things I'd do to you, honey.

3:14: Bill Cowher looks pissed. That's worth three drinks. And Plummer throws his first incompletion. Hell yes. Denver punts.

3:17: Roethlisberger starts off hot. Nantz says that he idolized John Elway growing up and that's why he wear No. 7. Elway is shown on TV and he still looks like that horse down the road.

3:18: Big, huge fart.

3:20: Willie Parker fumbles. That's worth one swig of the Dub Turkey.

3:25: Overturned. That's worth two drinks.

3:27: Steelers stall out and Jeff Reed kicks a field goal. I'm already bored.

3:30: Bill Cowher just punched a referee in the mouth and then spit in his face. OK, fine, only the second part is true.

3:35: Plummer fumbles, much to my dismay, and Jim Nantz will not stop talking about how beautiful the weather in Denver is. Two drinks.

3:38: The Meatball is in the game and he's fat. They show his parents and they're not. I don't get it.

3:45: I went outside to pee, and it smelled like chicken noodle soup out there. Anyone else ever have that happen? Should I be worried? When I came back in, the Steelers had scored somehow.

3:50: I saw a commercial for Subway and decided I wanted my own sandwich, so I made a sub out of what I had in my fridge: Sliced pickles, two pieces of bologna and mustard. Pretty damn good, if I do say so myself.

3:56: Joey Porter made a few nice plays on the Broncos' latest drive, but Denver scored anyway. It's probably a conspiracy.

4:04: This sandwich is damn good. It goes well with my Keystone, now that the Wild Turkey is all gone.

4:05: Roethlisberger is really good. 10-for-13 at this point for 160 yards. Jessica Alba is already calling, I think.

4:08: Why would Pittsburgh ever run? Why do we have a Phil Sim-ulator? Why is Denver blitzing so much? Again, why did my urine smell like chicken noodle soup? I need answers!

4:10: Curtis just called to tell me he would Favre Ben's Roethlisberger any day of the week. He wanted me to tell you that.

4:16: The Meatball scores. I shotgun two beers. And it's 17-3, Pittsburgh. I'm sure there will be a nice parade in Detroit when The Meatball plays in the Super Bowl there, with him being from that tropical paradise and all. The last time I went home to Helena, they had fireworks, although I found out later it was gun fire. And the gun fire was mine. Funny how I forget things like that.

4:28: Halftime. Jakes Plummer needss a beerr. I thinks I needs some more toio.

4:45: Hey, fuckers! Its the second half and somehow Pittsburgh is wining by 21 points and i've been spending the halftime drinking a little bitmore. I think I've had 69 dirnks so far and it's stil early in the aftenroon. but it's OKay because i'm enjoying the football.

4:46: I just ralized there was a small typo in the above statemmnet. I haven't had 69 drinks. I've had two. Just two.

4:47: How am I supposed to entertain you guys with a game like this? this is carnage. And Piuhl Simm's adivce tot he Broncons is to keep doing exactly what they've been doing to win the football game./ He must have money on the Steelrs or soethign.

4:49: Bonnie on the sideliens says that Cowher is trying to brainswash his team or something like that. I'd brainwsah her body. Yeah baby.,

4:52: Pittsburhg is just marching donwfield. Hello, Denver defense? Yoooooo hoooooo!! Wherea re you?

4:53: Meatball dorps a pass from Roethlisberger and the Steelers are forced to punt. I bet if that woudl have been a ham hock that Big Ben was throwing, Meatball wouldn't have dropped it. Haha. Can you picture Big Ben throiwng a ham hock out inot the flat? That'd be some great television.

5:00: I jusr rewalized that I';m completely nude. I have no idea how that happened.

5:04: The Steelers down a punt inside the five yeardline yet again. I haven'ty seen Jake Plummer ins weeks. Oh, but iit looks like the Broncos are goingto challenege the play.

5:08: They're playing "The Waiting is the Hardest Part" by Tom Petty during the challenege at Mile High Stadium. This reminds me that I partied with Tom Petty in Des Moines, Iowa once. He remains, to this day, the the ugliest woman I have ever seen.

5:12: Whoa! Troy Polamalu's hair!

5:16: Touchdown pass to some dude named AShley. I can't feell my right foot.

5:26: The Meatball's feet were just refernced, so I have to take thrreee drinks.

5:27: Oh God. Roethlisberger is sacked, so there is foru more drnks. I'm going bldin.

5:31: Plummer thorws his frst inteception of the game. Three more dirnks. Sweet Jesus. THis is getigtnbg bafd.

5:37:

I feel like shouting!!

5:40: I just remembered that I met a woman in Pottsburg when I was coeiftng a Pirats game again sthe Knicks. her named was Wanda and she was really, really tall. Like six foot nine or something. BUt I was intirgued by this giantess and I took her back to my hotel room for some drinks and htne we ended up getting a little physcial and all that good stuff. So the enxt morning Iw ake up and Wanda is gone. and so is my wallet and my keys and my pants and my suitcase and everthing esle that i own. the only thing left in my entire hotel room is a pair of handcuffs annd a bottle of mouthwash int he abthroom. Wanda sure could sneak around for a giantess.

5:45: I gonna sing for you now, Flotsamammamers.

There are people in this country who work hard every day.
Not for fame or fortune do they strive.
But the fruits of their labor are worth more than their pay.
And it's time a few of them were recognized.

Hello Pittsburgh steel mill workers,
let me thank you for your time.
You work a forty hour week for a livin'
just to send it on down the line.

5:49: I sort of like that Jeb Putzier ... JEb Putzkier ... JEb Putzir ... Jeb Putzier ... Jeb Putier ... Jebb Putzier ... jeb putzier character. Seems gritty.

5:50: People are dancing on chauirs ina comericlal and Charlie Sheen is lookign in my winwdow. What is happnegin?

5:52: I sut sofund some runm under my couch. At leasti think that is'ts rumn,

5:55: Plummer fumbles and this one is about ovber. THere's only like 4 seconds left and Pitssburg is winning 105-2.

5:58: I am feelign veyr etierd and i'm tnos sur whsat'd going o so I thing that ia neda bnpa. eeeeeeeeeeeeee.

6:01: Ih ope a had goods timmes and wenojy the games here toayd, toa and ai will talkg with you folskd alte ron. tabhanks for reading,,.s