God I love my teams

By Bandwagon Burt
Wind sock

San Antonio doesn't get any respect folks, admit it, you don't even really know who Tim Duncan is. You do? Okay, forget it, but they're awesome! I love San Antonio! They're like my favorite team in the NBA and they're so sweet all the time! They have those weird colors on the floor ... pink and turquoise or something and Tim Duncan reminds me of the late great David Robinson! They don't have those colors anymore? David Robinson is still alive? But he's not playing anymore, right? San Antonio is the best team in the NBA, and they're going to win the NBA title again and I will dance in the streets and you will be jealous. SAN ANTONIO!

If I had to cheer for a team in the Eastern Conference it would be the Detroit Pistons because they're like a bunch of hard asses. Rasheed Wallace and Ben Wallace have the best hair around, I don't even know why I like them I just do. I have a cousin that lives in Detroit. Well, actually Holland, Mich., but I think that's somewhere near Detroit. Pistons power! Did you know they only have like five losses? They're going to set all kinds of records with the number of wins they have this year. Maybe just one record -— you know, the one with the most wins. Ben Wallace is such a badass! If the Pistons ever played San Antonio, I'd probably cheer for the Pistons, but it'd be REALLY close. FIVE LOSSES is all the Pistons have! And Rasheed is like a rebounding machine.

My third favorite team is the HEAT from MIAMI, they're like this up and coming team with a ninja master coach named Pat Riley. D-WADE is the sweetest player in the NBA and they also have Shaq of course, who averages something like 25 points and 16 rebounds a game. I think. And D-WADE, I saw him cut to the basket on SportsCenter the other day and he totally jammed it in some scrub's face. If the Heat ever played the Pistons or San Antonio, I'd probably cheer for the Heat but it'd be REALLY close, I'd probably have to pick someone with the flip of a coin. Or a three-sided thing, cuz I guess we're talking about three teams here. SHAQ! He's the best player in the NBA and has been since the merger. And I like it when he doesn't answer reporters but tells them to have a Merry Christmas. That guy is like a beast with a funny accent. He's like 7-foot-4 and 280 pounds of bulk and wisdom.

If I'm not watching pro basketball, I'm definitely cheering for Duke. My wife bought me tickets to Cameron Indoor to see them play Elkhorn State and Duke totally scrubbed the floor with those scrubs. I've loved Duke ever since I was a little boy, and I cheered for them in the down years when they made the Final Four all those times but didn't win it all. Mike Kshashefsky is the greatest coach in college basketball history, and you know it's true, so don't even argue. COACH K IS GOD. And they're ranked No. 1 in the nation, and your team completely sucks compared to Duke. They're probably going to win the ACC this year. If Duke played San Antonio or Detroit or Miami, I'd probably cheer for Duke, but it'd be REALLY close.