Marcus Vick!

By Dakota Brezinski
Six-year-old

Daddy says Marcus Vick is a poopyhead, but he doesn't say poopy.

He says that you are given lots of chances when you have athletic ability, which is also why he tells me that I better do things right on the first try. He likes cheering for the Virginia Tech, and he is angry that Marcus Vick has failed to live to potential, just like my older sister Kaitlin. He says Marcus Vick could have been the greatest thing ever, but because he is a poopyhead, the Virginia Tech lost to Bobby Bowden, who reminds my daddy of when grandpa has too many drinks. I think that makes daddy sad. My daddy's name is Dave and he works in selling stuff.

I like Marcus Vick. Sometimes, Timmy Williamson from the back of the bus throws spitwads at me and calls me names, and I'm too little to really give him the business like my friend Tanner says he will do someday. So I imagine I am Marcus Vick, who can step on Timmy Williamson's leg in the middle of the bus and make him cry. Sometimes I imagine pulling a gun on Timmy and his friends and seeing if they like me THEN, and make them cry. I know if I really did those things, I would probably get grounded, but Marcus Vick lives without rules. Nobody wants to ground him.

When I am Marcus Vick, I imagine I can throw for 19 touchdowns in 24 games and rush for six more. When I am Marcus Vick, I can eat and drink whatever I want, and the only vegetables are beans named Jim. When I am Marcus Vick, I can do something called "have sex with a 15-year-old." I don't really know what that means, but Tanner says it's naughty.

Except, Daddy says Marcus Vick's chances are all gone, so maybe he doesn't really have these powers after all. That makes me sad. But Daddy says Marcus will still make a bajillion trillion dollars in the NFL, because "the league doesn't care what a poopyhead you are if you can make plays." He doesn't say poopy, but he does say that Vick is a Dick a lot. I don't know who Dick is.

Marcus Vick, I love you! When things are bad, I think of you and you make me believe in myself. I want you to make the NFL, because you can make plays and give linebackers that look like Timmy Williamson the business. I don't think you're a poopyhead.