I'll be the Queen of Baltimore

Anna Benson
Professional Hussy

So let me just formally announce how happy I am that Kris and I are new Baltimorians ... uh Baltimoraniums … whatever. I have no doubt that this city will provide plenty of entertainment and opportunities.

For example, have you seen Kyle Boller? He’s pretty hot, right? And he went to Berkeley, so that means he probably knows how to party. Maybe he can show me a good strip club or two.

And then there’s Cal Ripken. I know he’s a little older, but he’s pretty famous. He even has his own column in one of the local papers. Not that I read or anything, but that’s a pretty big deal, right? What I wouldn’t give to be caught in a back alley with his tongue in my throat.

And then there’s Johns Hopkins. The college, I mean. I don’t know if Mr. Hopkins himself is still alive, but if he was, I’d probably let him hit it too. If he’s not, though, I’m sure young, overworked, future millionaire doctors are easy targets. Maybe a couple of them will agree to tag team me in a lab somewhere. God, I’m getting all hot just thinking about it.

Oh, and I went to the Baltimore Sports Legends museum at Camden Yards for some ideas. There’s Babe Ruth, Johnny Unitas, Brooks Robinson ... maybe they had some hot kids or something. Hey, I’m stretching here. It is Baltimore, after all. It’s not like New York where all I have to do is stumble into the foyer of an Upper West Side condominium and I end up giving a big shot lawyer or filmmaker a hummer on a dining room table with a view.