Joakim got to be starting somethin

By Dakota Brezinski
Seven-year-old

I wish my daddy was cool like Joakim Noah's.

When I get in trouble -- like when I pee all over the chalkboard because Mrs. Burrows wouldn't let me go out for recess -- daddy spanks me and tells me to go to my room. There is nothing to do in my room! I get really bored, and cry, then throw myself against the floor so it sounds like I had an accident, and daddy will be sad for me and let me come downstairs and play the Halo game.

Boom boom! Die, aliens!

But Joakim Noah's daddy doesn't really care if his son does naughty things, like smoke the pot. I don't know why smoking the pot is so bad, but mommy tells me to stay out of the kitchen a lot, so she probably doesn't want me to do anything to the pot.

Daddy says Joakim Noah's daddy is a dummyhead, because he's French, and doesn't really understand a lot of stuff. I think Joakim Noah's daddy is Michael Jackson. Or maybe that's his mommy. It's hard to tell.

How come Joakim Noah doesn't have to say he's sorry and be grounded for two days if he does something naughty? It's not fair! Just because his daddy released all those records and danced with zombies doesn't mean he gets to do whatever he wants.

Maybe Michael Jackson isn't Joakim Noah's daddy. I think he looks like one of the Halo aliens, instead. Boom boom!