Shop Until You're On Top

By Lynn DeBerg
Housewife

Good value is everywhere, if you know where to look.

I can tell you if you get something for full price at Kohl's, you've probably done something wrong. If you haven't at least considered eBay before buying something at an antique depot, you're doing your purse a great disservice. If you don't hit at least 17 garage sales per summer season, then not only are you a bad shopper, but also an uneighborly bitch.

Shopping is an essential component of any good life, and I applaud the way the Florida Marlins are able to get good deals for virtually no money at all. They're spending 21 million on their team -- far less than the Yankees are paying Alex Rodriguez to sit on the disabled list -- and they've produced one of the best records in baseball thus far.

They are America's discount darlings, and a great template by which a good shopper can base her decision making. After all, expensive goods (Barry Zito, Andruw Jones, Eric Gagne) seldom bring happiness, especially when they are unceremoniously ripped to shreds by the family pet.

Sidebar. There is a new bassett hound -- available for free -- at the local humane society. Now that's a bargain. She responds to the name "Rosalita" and "get away."

However, when a person makes a bargain purchase, they can't help but feel proudly attached to their goods. I have made the mistake of going fancy, buying an expensive blouse only to discover a massive flaw in the stitching on the back. This is akin to what happens everytime someone buys Mike Hampton. But I didn't really like the sweather anyway. On the other hand, the gorgeous pants suit I found at Sally McNee's garage sale is one of my favorite items, and it was only 10 dollars. We'll call it the Rule 5 Garage Sale, and we'll call the pants suit Dan Uggla.

Obviously, sometimes it's about being ahead of the curve. Nobody thought those mosquito alarms (with the torturous sound that can only be heard by young people) were ever going to amount to anything, so I bought one online for 20 dollars. Now, I'm encouraging all the women on the block to get one, but they have to pay through the nose. I knew those things would eventually catch on, allowing women like me everywhere to get a midday nap while forcing the children to stay outside, rain or shine. This is like buying Hanley Ramirez. He's useful to no end -- maybe invaluable -- but if you get him before he becomes expensive, you're really doing yourself a favor.

Shoppers also never take a day off. Sure, the Florida Marlins may only have 5,000 or so people at each game, but that's because the smart fans are out pounding the pavement, looking for that next deal. No good shopper is satisfied with what they already have in their sanctuary at home. It's a hunter-gathering society.

While you're out scoffing at the malls of America and instead finding your deals at smaller, better places (or Wal-Mart), think of the Florida Marlins.