Grading the draft

By Murphy Kramer
Punters win championships

Like everyone else, I get excited about the NFL Draft, handing out my grades each year to the teams I felt did best. I’ve been ranking players since 1982 using the Murphy Oliver Kramer System for Intelligent Engineering (MOKSIE), so I get awful irritated when those punks on TV tell me how hard it is to grade out players right now, that we have to wait a few years to really know. Screw that.

The best part of the NFL Draft is the grading process. My particular favorite grading handouts come from Mel Kiper, Todd McShay, CNNSI, The Dallas Morning-News, CBS Sportsline, the USA Today, the Chicago Sun-Times, the Los Angeles Times, Pro Football Weekly, Dave Finn’s Football Bloggy, The Boston Globe, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Drudge Report and Vanity Fair. As an American, my heart swells when I have the privilege of analyzing a longterm investment the second I make my first deposit.

For example, I dusted off my previously-unpublished 2004 draft rundown, and as you can see, the MOKSIE works pretty well. Check out some of my observations:

Buffalo: B-. I think Lee Evans will become a quality big-play receiver, but I have serious questions about J.P. Losman down the road. He’s the type of guy who gets thrown into the mix and gets replaced by some no-name free agent a few years later.

Miami: F. There is just something anonymous about first-round pick Vernon Carey, Will Poole, Tony Bua, Rex Hadnot, Tony Pape and Derrick Pope. I predict that the Dolphins will struggle in the future. They’ll be so bad in a few years that one of their best players will become more well known for a reality television appearance than actual football.

Baltimore: D-. Dwan Edwards and Devon Darling. Too many D’s. They just got another one.

Cincinnati: C. Call me crazy, but I have a bad feeling about running back Chris Perry in the first round. I’m no doctor, but I have concerns about his health. I also am very fond of fourth-round choice Robert Geathers. When they took him, it made me jump out of my seat. From here on out, I will call him Jumpy Geathers, and hope it catches on.

Cleveland: C+. Kellen Winslow is a solid first-round choice, but his fiery demeanor makes me worry that he’s going to do something stupid, like get into a motorcycle accident or something ridiculous. Also, I think Luke McCown is going to be the league’s next big thing.

Pittsburgh: B+. Never a bad thing when you get a guy who has the potential to be your franchise quarterback, like Ben Roethlisberger. I like him and think he can take the team all the way to the Super Bowl. Bold prediction, I realize. Every now and then, you have to applaud a team for their work signing undrafted free agents, as well. There’s this little guy out of North Carolina named Willie Parker, and the Steelers took a good gamble on him.

Houston. Incomplete. When did Houston get a football team?

Indianapolis: C. I know Bob Sanders gets a lot of criticism for being undersized, but I love his heart and motor. I think he might be a player who succeeds surely on willpower and dreadlocks alone.

Kansas City: C. I can’t get inspired by second-round choices Junior Siavii and Kris Wilson, but my pure football instincts tell me that Sammie Parker and Jared Allen will make very nice mid-round selections.

Oakland: D. Robert Gallery will not be all that great for the second overall pick in the draft, mark my words.

San Diego: A. Look, I’m not crazy about the Eli Manning for Philip Rivers trade. In fact, I think Manning’s charisma and spunky charm is evidence that he’s going to lead the Giants to the Super Bowl someday. But it’s not like Rivers is terrible, and even though they were crazy and drafted a kicker (Nate Kaeding) in the third round, I like that pick. I also think Igor Olshansky, Nick Hardwick and Michael Turner were good picks. I have a really good feeling about this draft for the Chargers.

Dallas: C. Julius Jones might amount to something, but the real steal was the seventh round receiver Patrick Crayton out of NW Oklahoma State. I think Jones will be the type of guy that gets hyped for a few years, but ultimately shucked aside in favor of a running back with balls.

Chicago: A. Two words: CRAIG KRENZEL. Genius selection. Otherwise, Tommie Harris, Bernard Berrian and Nathan Vasher will add very nice roster depth.

New Orleans: B-. Devery Henderson has the potential to serve as a team’s No. 2 or three receiver, and first pick Will Smith is named after the Fresh Prince.

Arizona: A. I really like what Larry Fitzgerald brings to the table, and I think Karlos Dansby was a smart second-rounder. I also think tackle Darnell Dockett will make the Pro Bowl someday. Great draft, but eventually, the team is going to have to pay Fitzgerald and risk alienating their other players. They should trade him a couple years down the line.

St. Louis: B. Even though he was the 24th overall choice, I think Steven Jackson is going to be a fantasy football must-have in a couple years. Oregon State produced a gem.

Seattle: B-. I think Michael Boulware, Sean Locklear and DJ Hackett will all have better careers than first round pick Marcus Tubbs. Just one of those hunches I get it my bones.

San Francisco: F. Failures. Punter Andy Lee is the best player in this class.