So, how was the Draft?

Mel Kiper
Regular Guy

So how did the NFL Draft go?

Normally, as many of you know, I'm on it like Sonic. It's how I made my name. But not this year. Nope, you'll never guess what happened this year: My daughter decided to schedule her wedding for the weekend of the NFL Draft.

Can you believe that?

Out of all the weekends of the year, she decided this weekend was when she wanted to get hitched to that boyfriend of hers. Well, I guess he's her husband now. Whatever.

After everything I've done in my career, working my tail off to get scoops and watch thousands of hours of film, all to make a name for myself, just so I can put food on the table for my family -- this is how she repays me? By setting a wedding date for the NFL Draft? Did she do this to rebel against me?

I bet most of you woke up Saturday and lounged on the couch, eating delicious junk food and watching all the relevant analysis of each player selected. You groaned at certain picks. You ooh'd at others. Oh I bet those crazy Jets did something wacky again.

Well, I didn't get to watch like you did. I spent Saturday morning getting final alterations made on my tuxedo, and running around to make sure that there were enough prawn wontons for the reception. Then I zoomed over to the church and helped lug around flowers to get things in place for the ceremony.

After I gave my daughter away (a bittersweet moment!), I had to get to the reception and mingle with the 300-plus guests in attendance. There was so much talking, I barely had time to eat hors d'oeuvres. I managed to get in the dance with my daughter, pay the DJ and then see the happy couple off on their honeymoon. Finally, I collapsed into bed.

Sunday, we still had dozens of family members left in town, so we had to endure a brunch in the morning, then go for a drive around town so they could see what was new. By the time that was over, it was time for dinner at Fuddruckers. Then I had to drive the grandparents to the airport so they could catch their flight back to Boca Raton.

By the time I got back to the house, the Draft was already over and I had missed everything.

So, what happened? Did Glen Dorsey go to the Rams like I predicted? How far did Brian Brohm fall? Where did Limas Sweed wind up? San Francisco? Philadelphia?

Damn this empty feeling in my stomach. I feel so incomplete and so without purpose. Will my career recover from this? I hope people missed me on Draft Day. I missed you, after all.

Well ... I guess now that the draft is over, I'll just retire to the basement for a while. I've been meaning to catch up on some films. I hear "Juno" was pretty funny.

If you'll still have me, I'd like to talk about the 2009 Draft. I think George Selvie will be a surprise top pick. And watch out for Michael Oher. He's a good one.

Well. I guess I'll catch you guys later. Have a good year.

Bye.