Give away the hardware now!!

By Bandwagon Burt
Wind Sock

WHAT AN EXCITING SEASON OF BASEBALL. There have been surprisingly bad seasons (DETROIT ROCK CITY), surprisingly good ones (The BIRDS are back in BALTIMORE) and some amazing feats (Some guy putting a jersey in Yankee Stadium! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? Seriously, if Burt ran the world, that would be grounds for imprisonment. I know murderers and rapists are really bad people, but that’s someone who is SERIOUSLY demented).

Now that 12 games or so are in the books, it’s time for the year-end awards!

NATIONAL LEAGUE

MVP: Pat Burrell, Philadelphia. PAT THE BAT, PAT THE BAT, PAT THE BAT. The former No. 1 pick is FINALLY living up to his billing with four homers, four doubles, 13 RBIs and 12 walks in 39 at-bats, good for a .359 average and .528 on-base percentage. YOU CAN’T STOP PAT BURRELL, YOU CAN ONLY HOPE HE TAPERS OFF. He won’t. Also, is Justin Upton the next Albert Pujols? Yes!

Cy Young: Tie (Jake Peavy, San Diego; Ben Sheets, Milwaukee; Brandon Webb, Arizona; Cole Hamels, Phladelphia). I CAN’T CHOOSE. They all have really low ERAs, they all have lots of strikeouts, and they even have a low WHIP, which should please the hippies of the world. More importantly, they each have two or three wins. Cole Hamels has a loss though, so he’s probably disqualified.

Rookie of the Year: Johnny Cueto, Cincinnati. HELLO, 18 strikeouts in two starts before he gave up a walk. The next Juan Marichel, book it!

Manager of the Year: Tony LaRussa, St. Louis. Everyone thought the Cardinals would be super, super bad, and all they’ve done is DOMINATED THE LEAGUE. They’re going to win 113 games this year, and it’s all because of Tony “.093” LaRussa! A toast to the Cards!

AMERICAN LEAGUE

MVP: Joe Crede, Chicago. FOUR home runs and FIFTEEN RBIs, all while having the third largest OPS in the league. I don’t really know what OPS means, but AJ Pierzynski is No. 2, and he’s AWESOME, so it must be a good stat. I think they tried to fire him before the season, but Joe came back bigger and better and stronger to prove all the haters wrong. NOBODY LIKES A HATER.

Cy Young: Brian Bannister, Kansas City. IS IT EVEN A CONTEST? He’s 3-0 with an 0.86 ERA, and last time he pitched, he was forced to wear POWDER BLUE. That’s seriously overcoming obstacles to succeed. Most people don’t even try when they get to KC – they just go there for the BBQ and the opportunity to play where nobody cares about baseball.

Rookie of the Year: David Murphy, Texas. Who is this guy? I BET IT’S DALE MURPHY’S SON. I loved Dale Murphy growing up. He was ambidextrous! Kind of. Also, he’s in the Hall of Fame, I think!

Manager of the Year: The Orioles guy. The Orioles are awesome, and they don’t even need Erik Bedard and his achy breakiness to get there. Also, Jay Gibbons had his suspension thrown out, which will really help them down the stretch!