Dakota's finals preview

By Dakota Brezinski
Seven-year-old

Charles Barky is not going to gamble anymore! But Charles Barky loves to gamble. What if he goes sad because he can't gamble, and then he stops keeping it fresh? Mommy says I shouldn't eat the fruits in our fridge that aren't fresh. I don't listen to mommy very much.

I love Charles Barky, and I will also give up something I like to do to show how much I love him! Peeing. I will pee again when Charles Barky gambles again.

Even if Charles Barky is sad, this is my favoritest time of the NBA season, because there are only four teams left. Gregg Popovich and his silly face will take on Kobe Bryant, who mommy doesn't like because he never shares. And in the other games, it's a bunch of little leprechauns (I love leprechauns) against the Pistons! The Pistons are there every year. Daddy says it's easy to win every year when you're the 16-year-old repeating second grade. He thinks the Eastern Conference is in second grade. I wish they really were, because it would be cool if Anderson Varejao came to my math class. Crazy hair!

Tim Duncan is boring. He doesn't make me go whoop like Chris Paul. Boooooo, Tim Duncan. Stop being so boring.

So I am cheering for Kobe Bryant and the leprechauns. But I will show you who will win:

Guards: You know that guy Rondo? I bet he's related to Waldo Geraldo Faldo from Family Matters. Did I do that? Urkel makes milk come through my nose. The Pistons have Chauncey Billups, and he hurted himself. You can't be sore against Rondo! Or Ray Allen or that guy named The Truth. Advantage: Celtics. In the other series, Kobe Bryant is a guard. Advantage: Lakers.

Centers: Tim Duncan is boring and smells like poo. The Lakers have POW POW POW Gas-all, and everyone wants Gas right now because it's so expensive. Advantage: Lakers! In the other games, silly Rasheed and his bald head is pretty good, but Kevin Garnett drinks Gatorade! I like grape the best. Advantage: Celtics

Forwards: Kobe Bryant could be a forward if he wanted. Advantage: Lakers. In the other games, the Celtics have Leon Powe! POWE POWE POWE. He's like Pow Gas-all, but not as good because he has a silent letter. I hate those. Advantage: Celtics.

So the winners will be Kobe Bryant, and the Celtics. I have drunken lots of Gatorade, and I don't know how much longer I can be on Charles Barky's side. Gamble soon, Charles Barky!