Get your own name

By Pac-Man
Game Legend

This is bullshit.

Every couple months, my name gets dragged through the mud one more time, when Adam "Pacman" Jones pulls some stunt. Punching a woman in a strip club is just the latest of his transgressions.

The man is suspended from the NFL for a year, for doing dirty deeds in a strip club no less, and apparently that hasn't deterred his lifestyle. What a loser. And all the while, he is completely soiling the Pacman name.

Have you ever seen Office Space? Funny movie, and Jennifer Aniston is a nice-looking woman. Anyway, I was sitting down with Inky and Pinky the other night, and I feel exactly like that one guy, Michael Bolton. Everything was cool until the singer-songwriter by the same name comes along and suddenly gives his name a new connotation.

Pinky said, "why don't you just shorten your name, to Pac or something," so that I wouldn't be associated with Pacman Jones, and my response is exactly like Bolton's. Why should I change, HE's the one who sucks! Hell, I'm three years older than Adam Jones. I was here first, asshole.

Furthermore, where did he even get that nickname? Can he snap up seventy-some dots in a maze setting, all while getting chased by four ghosts? Can he obtain bonus points by catching up with some fleetly-moving fruit? I mean, what I do is fucking HARD. I don't even have any legs. I have EARNED my right to be Pac-Man, and Adam Jones has done nothing to be equated to my greatness. You need 10,000 bonus points to earn a second chance, and Adam Jones keeps rolling backward.

Once upon a time, Pac-Man meant a lot of great things to a lot of people. It didn't conjure up images of dreadlocks and drugs and public intoxication, like it does now. I mean, I used to be one of the world's greatest video game sensations, and now the name just brings about giggles and some sarcastic comment about "making it rain."

So Adam Jones, feel free to gallivant about, but quit soiling my good name. Get another nickname, like dickhead. Adam Dickhead Jones.