Hot pants!

By Dakota Brezinski
Seven-year-old

Daddy says pants make the person.

When daddy goes to a bar, he says the ladies wear pants that are too small, because they want to look good. I think that’s silly. When I got too big for my jammies, I didn’t wear them anymore, because they were tight and itchy! Why would people wear tight pants? Also, if pants really do make the person, then I must be aquamarine. That is my favorite color of pants.

Josh Brown must be a warm person, because he wants to wear pants that get warmer when he plays in freezy Green Bay on Saturday. I want hot pants! Daddy says there is more than one way to make his pants get warmer, so maybe he has a pair of these battery heater thingies that Josh Brown has. Or maybe he just means that he passes gas a lot. Smelly daddy.

Brrrrr! Green Bay is so cold – did you know they even have a giant ice bowl? That would make my Fruit Loops really cold. Maybe Josh Brown can sell his special brand of pants to the people there, since they probably have cold breakfast all the time. Daddy says the people in Green Bay stay warm during breakfast by drinking beers.

I have never had hot pants, but I once had a warm blanket, with a big lion on it. Raaaar! Just kidding, the Lions are bad. Anyway, it made me so warm that I peed my pants during the middle of the night. Oh no, what if Josh Brown pees his pants! That’s gross. Plus, then the Seahawks would lose. Maybe they’re not such a good idea after all, Josh Brown. Don’t wear hot pants.

Weekend predictions:

Packers over Seahawks. Who will kick the field goal if Josh Brown is in the potty? Packers 24, Seahawks 21

Cowboys over Giants. I have a friend named Eli at school, except he’s not my friend, he’s a dummyhead. Cowboys 31, Giants 16

Patriots over Jaguars. Maurice Jones-Drew is little, like me! I hope Randy Moss doesn’t eat him. Patriots 28, Jaguars 14

Chargers over Colts. Do-do-do-do-doo-doo! CHARGE! Do-do-do-do-doo-doo! CHARGE! Chargers 35, Colts 21