Please name me as a steroid user

By David Harrison
Former Major League Baseball Player

What the hell?

As I perused the Mitchell Report yesterday, I was excited to see what names would be included, which players would have their reputations tainted. Scanning through, there were some big names: Miguel Tejada, Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, David Justice.

However, there was no mention of me, David Harrison.

I find this nearly unfathomable. From 1997-1999, no player in Major League Baseball took more steroids than me. Due to the wonders of science, I went from a journeyman utility man with a .247 career average to a journeyman utility man who raised his career average to .253 before numerous knee injuries ended his career.

If anyone should the the poster boy for the Steroids Era, it should be me.

Yet try as I might, I can't get anyone to talk about my steroid use. People are laughing at these players for buying their drugs with checks that could be traced so easily. What about me? I bought my steroids with money orders I got from a Jewel supermarket that read "Money for Kirk Radomski, for steroids."

I would often ask Jeff Juden to inject the steroids directly into my ass. On the field. Near third base. During pre-game warm ups. About 15 minutes before the first pitch.

One time, I laced a single into right field off Kevin Tapani. When I got to first base, I told Mark Grace that was an "anabolic single, baby." I think the umpire heard me, too.

Why has no one named me in this goddamn investigation? I took steroids. I have a story to tell, just like everyone else. Would you like me to write a book about my experiences taking steroids? I don't even need a ghost writer. You hear me, Random House? Maybe I could give a motivational speech to high school athletes on the dangers of drug abuse? Anything. I will do anything.

Many people have even talked about how George Mitchell asked each of the players named to meet with him and discuss the allegations. They all declined. Well, I called George Mitchell. Multiple times. I told his secretary that I'd be more than willing to share my story. He never called back, and the last time I called, the person at the other end answered, "Godfather's Pizza, 43rd Street, how can I help you?" but you know, it sounded an awful lot like his secretary.

I ordered a medium Italian sausage anyway. I'm still waiting for my pizza.

And I'm still waiting to be named in this steroid report. Please help me make my voice heard. I am infamous. I am just as villainous as Barry Bonds. Give me a chance to tell my story.

Name me, George. I dare you.