Crown me with carrots

By Big Brown
Horse

You see me run? I the fast. CARROTS!

I like to thank Eight Belles, this is all for you babe. I'll holla at you when I head to big horsetrack in the sky. Meantime, I get to eat BUCKETLOADS of carrots, cuz I'm the fastest horsey three times. I'm a bad man.

I get three crowns, like the We Three Kings of Orient Are, whole bunch of flowers and lots of mares to share my stable. I'm gonna be getting it on til I die now! Carrots. Do you see them there, thanking me for all my fast. I farted. Little elfman Kent sure likes to do the whuppin, but I don't gotta run no more cuz I already showed how fast I am.

Give ms some carrots! Is that butterscotch? Freaking BUTTERSCOTCH? Nope, just some deck stain. Still yummy. Would taste good on carrots.

Can't wait to go on Outside the Lines or Sunday Conversation with Andrea Kremer to talk about how I'm the fast. Can't wait to see myself on TV. All for you, Eight Belles. You and carrots are my inspiration. I love you, kind of. Would have loved to make sweet speedy babies with you. We could have listened to Usher's new album while gettin' it on.

I should be sportsman of the year now, Sports Illustrated. No more Brett Favre. All me! Give me those carrots, and I won't kick at your face.

Wait, where you taking the carrots? What you doing over there, why you look so sad? I ran the fast, trainer said I would win and ain't nobody can stop me. WHERE YOU GOING WITH THEM CARROTS?! I'M BIG BROWN. WHY AIN'T NOBODY LOOKING AT ME NO MORE?!

Should have died after first race, like Barbaro. Then, everybody loves you. I miss carrots.