Previewin' Daytona

Jonny Dave Floyd
Southerner

Jonny Dave Floyd is the NASCAR writer for Flotsam Media. He is currently working on a script for the sequel to Days of Thunder entitled Days of Thunder 2. It’s the story of a young up-and-coming NASCAR driver from the wrong side of the trailer park that just might be the fruit of Cole Trickle’s loins. Even though the script isn’t finished, his momma says it “gave her goosebumples” all over her body.

Gobba geeba DAW, y’all! NASCAR’s back and so am I. I didn’t write as much as I hoped to this offseason, but the information dirt roads can be bumpy and full of holes. I’m here now and just in time for the beginning of the season.

What’s that you’re sayin’? Daytona’s already over and I missed the start of the season and the most exciting and important race of the year? Well, that’s quite the sentence, my friend, but Jonny Dave don’t see it that way.

I don’t even know what happened at the race, folks. Ya see, Jonny Dave went on a little adventure startin’ last Friday and just got back. What was my adventure? Flotsam don’t give me enough space to go into it at right now, but I promise to share it with y’all sometime if ya want me to. It was all in the name of love, by the way. Love of NASCAR, that is. Anyway, just trust me when I say that I don’t know how Daytona turned out.

I thought about watchin’ it and then just givin’ a write-up with no previews or nothin’. But I know how much people love them previews. I’ll probably still give a little report about the finish. Maybe. Chances are, though, ol’ Jonny Dave’s race prediction’s gonna be right on point. Anyway, let’s get to what’s gonna be important in the comin’ season.

First, and the most important thing, is that Little E doubled his driver number -- 88 instead of 8 -- and he’ll be wearin’ green from now on. And he looks danged good in it, too. On the track and off. There’s just somethin’ about that color that makes his manly whiskers just POP out at ya as if to say, “Come on over here and see if I feel as good as I look.”

Well, Junior’s whiskers, I can’t find out for myself because the court-mandated personal space I am required to afford Little E unfortunately exceeds my reach by a pretty significant distance. It’s all a misunderstandin’, though and the lawyer down at the bowlin’ alley says we should get all that overturned on my appeal. Who knows, folks? I could be usin’ that scruff to get at a variety of itches by the end of the month. Not this month, probably, but maybe the next one.

The second most important thing is that the Car of Tomorrow is now the Car of Today. This ain’t really a big thing to me because I wasn’t all that impressed with the Car of Today last year when it was still called the Car of Tomorrow. Now, today, the former Car of Tomorrow now called the Car of Today or just “the new car” still don’t seem all that special. Why? Because it don’t seem all that futuristic to me, y’all. They’s still on the ground, ain’t they? What’s so special about that? I been seein’ that stuff for years. Tell ya what, I’ll start humpin’ legs when them things start flyin’. ‘Till then, it’s just more of the same, as far as Jonny Dave’s concerned.

Now to the race preview. Daytona’s all I been thinkin’ about since Brett Favre got cheated outta the playoffs. I guess it all boils down to goin’ with my heart or with my head. My heart’s screamin’ JUNIOR BY A WHOLE LAP. My head, on the other hand, is sayin’ Junior by 3 car-lengths. I tell ya, folks, I just don’t know which one to go with. This is Jonny Dave bein’ torn, here.

I guess I’ll go with ... wait, what? My butt pimples are tellin’ me somethin’. Hold on. They’re sayin’ Tony Stewart will be leading going into the last lap only to be passed by RYAN NEWMAN who is gets pushed by Kurt Busch in pretty exciting finish. What the heck? No Little E? Say it ain’t true. Well, folks, the butt pimples are never wrong so that’s my prediction. Ryan Newman’s gonna win in an apparently exciting and history-makin’ Daytona 500.

That just seems crazy to me and I hope I’m right by goin’ out on a limb like that. But I also hope I’m wrong because I love Junior so danged much and I know he really wants the victory. I guess I’ll just hafta wait to find out. I’m not even sure when I’ll get to watch it. Momma had the TV on RAW all last night (she loves her wrasslin’), so I guess I”ll have to watch it before she gets back from her Hooters shift this afternoon.

So, whether my butt pimples are right or my heart or my head, I don’t know. It’s all up in the air, really. Anything can happen at Daytona, y’all. The only certainty in this race is that I’m gonna be so excited by the time it’s over that Momma’s gonna have to get the hose after me when she gets home.

Y’all be good. I’ll see ya around.