Dakota's press conference

By Dakota Brezinski
Seven-year-old

I am here to address acquisitions that I cheated at tag last recess, making up the no tagbacks rule after getting tagged back by Jimmy Rudolph. I am ready for your questions.

McKenna, age 8: Dakota, several peoples said they saw you and you cheats! How come?

Dakota: I agree that it was very sad that someone said this, and that someone believes there is cheating. It is very distracting. Nobody has more respect for the game of tag than I do. I love it so much! I am ready to move forward in the game of tag, and play fairly and by the rules.

Little Brian, age 7: So you DID cheat, I knew it!

Dakota: I agree that it was sad that someone believes there is cheating. The game of tag has been the favoritest game of all the second graders since the beginning of times. I don't want to talk too much about the past. I want to help make tag a great game from nows on.

Lizzy, age 8: Did you maybe think there was tagbacks? Maybe you just made a whoopsie?

Dakota: The game of tag is a time-honored recess tradition. The rules are clear, and I understand them most of the time. I think our tag has lots of integrity. As far as I know, the tagbacks rule has been clearly defined in the past. I will let you decide if that is the case.

Fat Brian, age 8: Don't you think you should call Jimmy the winner at tag, since you cheated?

Dakota: I agree that it was sad someone believes there is cheating. It is very distracting. I am very lucky to get to play tag so much, and win all the time. Mommy says I get my good stuff from God. I thank God. I believe it is important to continue recognizing my many accomplishments. I think our tag has lots of integrity.

Angela, age 7: I don't get it. You didn't answer any of the questions! You are a liarface!

Dakota: I agree that it was sad someone believes there is cheating. I don't want to talk too much about the past. I just want to play next recess and move on.

Mrs. Williams: Dakota, I'm not going to let you play tag at recess anymore if you make up rules.

Dakota: It is what it is.